Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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