No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
