I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
