Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize