Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
