Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
