i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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