I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
