Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
