I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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