it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this will be a night to untag.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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