Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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