fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
