We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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