Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
