Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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