I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
