i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
