Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
