I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
