I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
