just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
