How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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