oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
