i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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