I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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