I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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