Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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