I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
