I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i already hear my dad disowning me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
