He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
