rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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