I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
