i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
