Just fell off a train. Bad.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
