Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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