Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
