Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
