Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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