Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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