You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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