hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Couch. On fire.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
