how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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