Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
