In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
