i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we should paint friendship bongs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
