When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His nipple licking is glorious
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