hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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