I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
