someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
