Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
