i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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