My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
