but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
