so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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