How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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