pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
