The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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