I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
