So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize