You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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