smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize