I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
