i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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