I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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