This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize