You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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