I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
