I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
