Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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