I bet he comes in French.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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