I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize