so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
