Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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