My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He had one of those small greek statue penises
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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