we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize