I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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