At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
operation have a gay friend backfired
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
