1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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