im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
