Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
