i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
