Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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