somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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