i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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