When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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