she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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