Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?

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(509): View more from Washington

I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

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(510): View more from California

I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting

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(225): View more from Louisiana

But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me

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(352): View more from Florida

How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?

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