new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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