Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
