At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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