When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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