every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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