I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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