HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
