She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
