I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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