After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
