1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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