And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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