He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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