For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
