I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
