Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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