just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
