im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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