my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you never un-have a 4some
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
