And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
