my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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