I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize