dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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