I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
