dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
