I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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