There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
