My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
