the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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